Monday, August 16, 2004

Habits, Routines, and Growing Up

I have a lot of bad habits. Habits are things that I do regularly that I sometimes don't consciously think about. Some people are convinced that I have OCD, especially when I like to do things a certain way *all the time*, like which shoe I put on first, or how I like to place my stationary during an examination.

I am a firm believer that some habits are hard to break. Not because I subconsciously don't want to break them, but because it had been ingrained in my head for so long they become almost autonomous. I also believe that some habits come from the character within - that is, your core character. As much as I can rationalize myself out of situations, my gut instinct remains the same - and often I let my heart rule over my brain. That's dangerous.

Really don't mean to dig up the past, and re-examine the old wounds and scars.. but history is bound to repeat itself if not understood completely. After dissecting my life's events, I can only conclude that I haven't really grown up (other than in size, and it's the kind of horizontal growth that we've grown to hate).

I put myself in this routine, this constantly-shifting life to avoid sitting down to think. I used to do that, back when I was still naïve about life. Sitting down for hours, constantly pondering and thinking over my actions and my words.. it became a routine for me. Alas, I was not content with the way my life was going - so I became more active, met new friends, and broke my routine. This became another routine, one that I am familiar with right now.

I'm rambling, but this constant flow of incoherent speech is helping me cope. This is why I blog, to let out some steam that's been building up inside my head. Looking back, I hope I can laugh at this entry and remember why I wrote this. Perhaps at that time, I can finally learn from my mistakes.

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