Thursday, January 02, 2003

It's 3:30am and I just can't fall asleep. Whether it is anxiety that I'll be taking off soon, or the fact that I am way behind in my packing, my heart is pounding faster and faster, and I can barely stand to close my eyes. What's wrong with me? Feeling extremely out of this world at the moment.. almost feels like I don't belong. For the past two weeks, several people have told me that I think too much. I suppose the reason I started blogging was to have an outlet for my thinking - looking at my life through a different angle. Yet, I seem to think a lot more now that I blog, to the point that people actually tell me to stop thinking so much.

Relating to how Tania felt when she left for Germany last year. She said she felt like she didn't want to go. Somehow, I am starting to feel the same way. Yes, I'll still get on that plane tomorrow, because I know deep down inside, I am yearning to get out of this place and experience something that is completely different. Still it doesn't alleviate the feeling of sorrow and sadness. Not only am I leaving loved ones here, but friendships and familiarity. I have been taught, people hate change. It explains the emergence of "Change Management", a study of how to effectively manage change in environments. However, the ironic part is that every human being needs change to grow. It creates an interesting oxymoron - change drives innovation and improvement of self and society, but society resists change in general.

I have procrastinated enough. Going back to packing..

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